Is This You?
You scroll through your phone. You have hundreds, maybe thousands, of “friends” and followers. You see pictures of parties, group hangs, and celebratory dinners under the hashtag #squadgoals. You’re part of group chats that are constantly buzzing. But when you’re facing a real crisis, the question arises. Is it a job loss, a painful breakup, or just a wave of anxiety at 2 AM? Who do you actually call? The list suddenly becomes terrifyingly short. Why do we feel so lonely in a world that’s more connected than ever?
Maybe we’ve started confusing a large network with a real support system. Our ancient texts knew the difference. They treated true friendship not as a social accessory, but as one of life’s greatest treasures.
The Ancient Anchor
The Hitopadesha, a classic collection of Sanskrit fables, provides a sharp and beautiful definition of what a true friend really is:
पापान्निवारयति योजयते हितायगुह्यं निगूहति गुणान् प्रकटीकरोति ।आपद्गतं च न जहाति ददाति कालेसन्मित्रलक्षणमिदं प्रवदन्ति सन्तः ॥
(Pāpānnivārayati yojayate hitāyaGuhyaṁ nigūhati guṇān prakaṭīkaroti |Āpadgataṁ ca na jahāti dadāti kāleSanmitralakṣaṇamidaṁ pravadanti santaḥ ||)
Translation: The saints say these are the signs of a true friend: they hold you back from sin (bad choices). They steer you towards good. They keep your secrets and reveal your virtues. They don’t abandon you in trouble. They give help when needed.
Simply put: A true friend makes you a better person and has your back, no matter what.
How This Philosophy Unfolds in the Ancient Texts
Our epics are woven with powerful stories of friendship that show this principle in action.
The most celebrated example is the bond between Krishna and Sudama. They were childhood friends who grew up together, but their paths diverged dramatically. Krishna became the divine king of Dwarka, while Sudama lived in humble poverty. Urged by his wife, Sudama reluctantly went to see his old friend. He carried only a small pouch of flattened rice as a gift. When he arrived at the golden palace, he was ashamed. But Krishna saw him. He ran out and embraced him with tears in his eyes. He treated him with more honor than any visiting king. He even ate the simple rice with genuine delight. The story is a timeless lesson that true friendship is blind to status, wealth, and time. It’s a connection of the soul.
Next, consider the alliance between Rama and Sugriva in the Ramayana. Sugriva was a king in exile, having lost his kingdom and wife to his powerful brother, Vali. Rama, also in exile and searching for his wife Sita, met the downtrodden Sugriva. They didn’t just exchange pleasantries; they made a pact based on mutual help and trust. Rama helped Sugriva defeat Vali and regain his kingdom. In return, Sugriva pledged his entire army to Rama’s cause, which was instrumental in the quest to find Sita. Their friendship shows that the strongest bonds are often forged in shared adversity. These bonds are built on a foundation of “I will help you with your battle.” You will help me with mine.
Finally, look at the complex and tragic friendship between Karna and Duryodhana. By all accounts, Duryodhana was a villain, driven by jealousy and greed. But his one redeeming quality was his unwavering loyalty to Karna. He gave Karna a kingdom and respect when everyone else scorned him for his low birth. In return, Karna dedicated his life to Duryodhana. Karna used his unmatched skill for his friend. He knew his friend was on the wrong side of dharma. Their story is powerful and cautionary. It is about the immense power of loyalty. Friendship can inspire a lifetime of devotion, for better or for worse.
The Modern Disconnect
Today, the word “friend” has been diluted. It can mean a colleague you barely know, an acquaintance from school, or a stranger you follow online. We collect contacts like trophies. Socializing has become performative—more about posting the picture than having the actual conversation. We are conditioned to ask, “What can this person do for me?” instead of “How can I be a good friend to this person?” This transactional approach leaves us with a network that is a mile wide and an inch deep.
Wisdom at Work
How do we start building friendships with real depth?
- In Your Career/Hustle: Move beyond networking. Find one or two people at work you genuinely respect. Offer to help them with a project without expecting anything in return. Ask about their life outside of work and actually listen. A true work ally—a “work spouse”—is more valuable than a hundred LinkedIn connections.
- In Your Relationships: Be the friend you want to have. Are you the one who checks in, not just on birthdays? Do you celebrate your friends’ successes without a hint of jealousy? Do you keep their secrets safe? Friendship is a garden; it needs tending. Don’t wait for others to reach out. Be the one who gives help “in time of need.”
- For Your Mental Health: A few deep friendships are a powerful antidote to anxiety and depression. Make time for real, uninterrupted conversation. Put the phones away when you’re with a friend. Be vulnerable and share your struggles, not just your wins. Giving and receiving this kind of support is fundamental to human well-being.
Modern Sages
This wisdom transcends culture.
- Swami Vivekananda placed immense value on selfless relationships. He often spoke of love and friendship as an expansion of the self, not a transaction. He taught that the ideal friend helps you see the divine potential within yourself, embodying the principle of “steering you towards good.”
- The Roman statesman and philosopher Cicero wrote an entire treatise, “On Friendship.” In it, he stated, “A friend is, as it were, a second self.” He believed it was one of life’s greatest gifts.
- The American poet Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “The only way to have a friend is to be one.” This echoes the active, giving nature of friendship described in the Hitopadesha.
- The author C.S. Lewis wrote beautifully about friendship, distinguishing it from other forms of love. He said, “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.'” It’s a bond built on shared reality.
Your First Step
Don’t try to overhaul your entire social life. Just pick one friend. Someone you haven’t spoken to in a while, or someone you’d like to know better. Send them a text right now. Keep it simple and non-demanding: “Hey, I was just thinking about you and hoping you’re doing well.” That’s it. You are not asking for anything. You are simply planting a small seed of genuine connection. That is how real friendships are rekindled and built.
